Alicia Dee

Ecstatic. I am so sad I just want him now. He called today and sounds so good. I can’t wait. He’s been working out and his lively voice leaped through the phone and I could tell he was smiling at me. I love him. Finally my prayers have been answered.

Tonight I attended my first Al Anon meeting. Meant for support purposes, and seeking advice. It was depressing. But it was uplifting. I turned to a meeting for advice on how to deal with my loved ones’ issues. What I learned is that I don’t have to learn how to deal with it. I don’t have power over someone else’s decisions, I only have power over my own. I learned to be a supportive hand; I also studied my flaws: My reactions, my actions, my self-induced development of issues which I used to blame on the addict surrounding me. Tonight I shared and couldn’t go a sentence without crying. But after letting it out I felt great. When offered to ask a question, I briefly described my situation and asked for a simple tactic to gain happiness. I live with Whit as of now. But Jon is in rehab. I miss him very much. At first I was resentful and fed up, and almost chose to leave him; And that was the source of my depression. I need to take care of myself. I need to take care of myself. I need to take care of myself. I am working full time and recently got promoted, I love my job and focus on it every day. For each upcoming week I now have a goal: To move out in a couple of months. Simply putting away one hundred dollars out of my weekly paycheck will do nothing but gain management and happiness for me, regardless of the outcome. Although I feel incomplete without Jon, I’ve decided to get my life straight before he comes back. I can wait, but I am eager to see him…I miss his voice more than anything—in fact  thinking about him gets me to tear up every time. I was afraid and still am. But the meeting tonight gave me a plethora of insight, and I choose to continue attending these meetings. I can’t change the world, but I can take care of me and act as a positive support to those trying to get better; the difference now is that I will no longer act as a positive support to those trying to stay sick. Although I may have become completely clean and still surrounded by addicts and substance abuse, I have gained courage to start working on myself instead of working on getting worked up about what I cannot change in others. I love Jon so much, he still hasn’t left my dreams :) Tomorrow there is a meeting near my house for people my age. I am going. I will continue these things to help me gain insight and peace of mind. Because you can’t REALLY ask for happiness…with happiness comes peace of mind. I haven’t prayed every night with the simple and lousy excuse of being caught up in my own depression “caused” by others…I can help myself. I plan to say a heartfelt prayer, sleep deeply, and thrive with energy and strength tomorrow. With the things I have/will learn in the next few months I would love to welcome Jon back with open arms and pronounce my forever thanks and feeling of pride in him. To go to rehab by choice is undoubtedly the best decision he has ever made for our relationship, but even more so for himself. I can’t express my gratitude now…coming soon though. For those of you reading and struggling just know you are never alone and making choices may be seemingly impossible, but in fact are possible according to your mindset. If you love someone, always support them in a positive way and you will get positive results. Goodnight

xo,

Leesh